The unfortunate disappearance of Larie C. Norvell continued as a mystery upon returning to Japan. It had been verified that Larie began feeling as if there were no purpose for her. “What do I do that another woman can’t do for my family?” she questioned. Sadly, Mrs. Norvell felt as if she did not belong with her husband of 9 and ½ years or their two children; she alleged herself as, “Unworthy of them.”
26 September 2006
“I feel like I don’t do anything spectacular. Anybody can be a housewife. I feel like I’m just doing what is expected of me. Now I know I shouldn’t expect and honorable banquet, but dang, do what I do matter to anyone? But why should I even be saying this cause I don’t verbally or non-verbally appreciate Anton. He says I take him for granted. Why am I no longer happy as a wife, mother, housewife, person, friend, sister, daughter, or me in general? New Thought; I’m afraid that I will ruin Anton. Anton has a wife, but he has not found a good thing. He doesn’t enjoy the wife of his youth. I’m not enjoyable. I’ll never be the woman he wants me to be. I’m too selfish and full of hate & I don’t know how to let go of the past. I bring him more pain, & sorrow than I do good & happiness. He cannot trust his heart w/me. I am not resourceful. I am not a wife of noble character. I am not worth far more than rubies, I’m not even worth glass. If I am wrong Lord, please help me find my worth and be the woman You created me to be. Help me dear Lord please to rid myself of thoughts of leaving my family to another woman who is worthy of Your blessing & of Anton’s love to have. Help me please to be worthy to Anton & not ruin him. What is wrong w/me what do I want?”
13 October 2006
“Saw a friend in the commissary today and we talked about the stormy whether. She said, ‘It’s always pretty after the storm.’ I have no idea what else she said to me after that.”
“Sweetie, please make an appointment to speak with a doctor about your health. Maybe your synthroid needs to be adjusted.” A dear Sister-in-Christ, who I revered as my spiritual mother, mandated my visit with the Internal Medicine. She even printed a surplus of information from online to help me prepare myself with the proper questions and comments for the doctor! Anton accompanied me to the appointment.
18 October 2006
“I went to see the Internal Medicine doctor on the 16th & she told me that I am not on a high enough dosage of synthroid. She also suggested Anti-Depressants for my mood swings. I will not take Anti-Depressants. I will pray to God, leave it to Him to do the healing & allow Him to be my Anti-Depressant. I am afraid to ask for prayers because I do not want to be questioned about what medication. Father give me the confidence to solicit prayers and have no one question me, but hear & answer our prayers Lord.”
22 October 2006
“Mark 12:18-27 I really would like & need to focus on verses 24-25, here on earth right now, this is the only chance I have got to get it together! I am not depressed! The Lord is my ROCK!”
24 October 2006
“I’m lying on the floor listening to Michelle Williams’ CD, ‘Do You Know,’ & crying & praying. I do not like who I am right now. I’m asking God to help me. I don’t even know what to pray for. I feel bad for the way I feel. I get all ‘psycho’ & then act like nothing happened, but feel shamed that I acted that way. I just want to get up & leave but can’t. I’d miss Anton & the kids but I feel it’d be best so that they will not go thru this anymore. I don’t know why this has to happen now w/everything else going on; Anton is about to start school, he’s preaching, he’s waiting on his replacement at work & not wanting to go back to Phase, & we are trying to get our finances together. Oh, ‘Caroline’ & I are about to start the class. I need Jesus.”
“There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; He lifts His voice, the earth melts.” Psalm 46:4-6 NIV
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
...of maybe there is a problem, BUT IT AINT DEPRESSION
…while my mother and I were out shopping, “Lavern” called mommy. They chatted for a bit while I tried to ignore the nudging I felt to speak with her. God had supplied the opportunity, just as I’d asked, but I wouldn’t take it. Due to a signal loss, mommy had to call my sister back.
“OKAY, LORD! FINE! I’LL DO WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO!”
Into the phone I spoke apologetically. She listened. We didn’t see or talk to one another for a week; one day before Anton, Eyanna, Cailem and I were scheduled to return to Japan. During that week, however, I did talk with her boyfriend to express my concerns and I apologized to him as well.
Thanking God for always proving Himself to me in spite of the fact that He doesn’t have to, I acknowledged to my Father that my sister’s relationship was hers. The two of them were involved, not the three of us.
10 August 2006 (Request)
“Father in heaven, I beg You to open my sister’s eyes & give her wisdom to make the decision to not live with her boyfriend, not to marry him, & not to date him. Lord please reveal to her, I mean please reveal him to her. Open her eyes Lord Jesus please. Bless her w/the wisdom to him. Open her eyes Lord God to You and Your will for her. Jesus Lord I am begging You to please Lord remove “Daniel Green” from my sister’s life. Father please, Lord please”
29 August 2006 (Request/Update)
“Father please after you remove “Daniel” from her life, please lead her towards a Godly man. A Christian man who wants to please You & who is faithful to You. I pray that he would lead her to You & she too will do all to please You!”
25 January 2007(Update)
“It ain’t about me Lord. Your will be done. Your will! I submit & apologize for my selfishness.”
My sister is no longer with the aforementioned man. Happiness and sadness ripped through my body at this news. I was happy because the Lord did reveal “Daniel” and they are no longer together. But sadness boiled in me as well because of how he was revealed and the hurt that it caused my sister. The sadness had also been a result of my burning desire to proclaim, “I-TOLD-YOU-SO! I TOLD ALL OF Y’ALL SO, BUT YOU DIDN’T LISTEN! Y’ALL THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY AND JUST PICKING ON A MAN WHOM I DID NOT KNOW LIKE YOU ALL!”
They were right, I didn’t know him like they did; I knew him for who he really is.
Okay, what does this have to do with my depression? Well, this was the first time that I would acknowledge that something wasn’t right about myself. I still hadn’t called it depression; rather, I blamed it on a hormonal imbalance because of my Thyroidectomy. My carefully guarded defense mechanism had been altered; is this who I really am? Larie was loosing control; outburst, rage, willful disobedience and self-abasement arrived uninvited.
“A hormonal change doesn’t change a woman’s soul; it just tears down her carefully constructed defenses against expressing the carefully guarded content of her heart.” Chapter 6 p.59 Created To Be His Help Meet Debi Pearl
“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he…” Proverbs 23:7 NKJ
“OKAY, LORD! FINE! I’LL DO WHAT I’M SUPPOSED TO DO!”
Into the phone I spoke apologetically. She listened. We didn’t see or talk to one another for a week; one day before Anton, Eyanna, Cailem and I were scheduled to return to Japan. During that week, however, I did talk with her boyfriend to express my concerns and I apologized to him as well.
Thanking God for always proving Himself to me in spite of the fact that He doesn’t have to, I acknowledged to my Father that my sister’s relationship was hers. The two of them were involved, not the three of us.
10 August 2006 (Request)
“Father in heaven, I beg You to open my sister’s eyes & give her wisdom to make the decision to not live with her boyfriend, not to marry him, & not to date him. Lord please reveal to her, I mean please reveal him to her. Open her eyes Lord Jesus please. Bless her w/the wisdom to him. Open her eyes Lord God to You and Your will for her. Jesus Lord I am begging You to please Lord remove “Daniel Green” from my sister’s life. Father please, Lord please”
29 August 2006 (Request/Update)
“Father please after you remove “Daniel” from her life, please lead her towards a Godly man. A Christian man who wants to please You & who is faithful to You. I pray that he would lead her to You & she too will do all to please You!”
25 January 2007(Update)
“It ain’t about me Lord. Your will be done. Your will! I submit & apologize for my selfishness.”
My sister is no longer with the aforementioned man. Happiness and sadness ripped through my body at this news. I was happy because the Lord did reveal “Daniel” and they are no longer together. But sadness boiled in me as well because of how he was revealed and the hurt that it caused my sister. The sadness had also been a result of my burning desire to proclaim, “I-TOLD-YOU-SO! I TOLD ALL OF Y’ALL SO, BUT YOU DIDN’T LISTEN! Y’ALL THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY AND JUST PICKING ON A MAN WHOM I DID NOT KNOW LIKE YOU ALL!”
They were right, I didn’t know him like they did; I knew him for who he really is.
Okay, what does this have to do with my depression? Well, this was the first time that I would acknowledge that something wasn’t right about myself. I still hadn’t called it depression; rather, I blamed it on a hormonal imbalance because of my Thyroidectomy. My carefully guarded defense mechanism had been altered; is this who I really am? Larie was loosing control; outburst, rage, willful disobedience and self-abasement arrived uninvited.
“A hormonal change doesn’t change a woman’s soul; it just tears down her carefully constructed defenses against expressing the carefully guarded content of her heart.” Chapter 6 p.59 Created To Be His Help Meet Debi Pearl
“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he…” Proverbs 23:7 NKJ
Monday, December 7, 2009
...of part 10
26 July2006
“Today I’ve decided that I will not be a slave of satan. He will no longer control my attitude, actions, thoughts, or words. God is in control. I have surrendered, I can not do this w/o God. I have decided to make being positive, thankful, joyful, content, & to smile a habit in my life. I’ve heard that it takes 21 days to establish a habit. So for the next 21 days I have a piece of paper to carry w/m at all times to remind me of these things. Written on the paper is Day 1, (changes w/each new day), My first calling; God, Anton, Eyanna, & Cailem. Smile! Thank God for EVERYTHING! Find the good & praise it! Practice having a merry & thankful heart! Learn to enjoy life! When I catch myself becoming irritated or distracted at circumstances, stop & laugh at the little things I ALLOW to steal my peace. I have come to realize that my peace & joy can not be stolen unless I allow it to be. Satan can not control me unless I allow him to. So no more! I will make it w/God!”
11August 2006
“We are in VA. God allowed us to come. We’ve been here a week already. Satan has messed w/us already. And of course I succumbed to him. He attacked our marriage & had Anton & I all over each other & I don’t mean sexually. I’ve had an attitude off & on, not towards Anton, but he got the attitude from me. I don’t like “Lavern’s,” (my sister), boyfriend “Daniel.” I’ve prayed for God to remove him from her life & now I am just waiting to see His work!”
29 August 2006 (still in VA)
“Why is satan messing w/me so much here? Why am I so weak & allowing him to have his way w/me? God is more powerful & I know this, so what’s the problem? What is wrong w/me?”
Our visit in Virginia ended about four days after the journal entry on the 29th of August. By that time, I felt as if I’d really “lost it.” My sister and I had an argument about her boyfriend, (I straight up told her & him that I didn’t like him and why. Neither of them liked my opinion of course), that caused us to not speak to one another for a week and a half! She didn’t come to my parent’s house where our family was staying during that time either. We hadn’t seen each other since September of 2002 and we acted like kids. Though my mother never said anything verbally, she blatantly expressed to “Lavern” and I how disappointed & hurt she had felt about our behavior. I called my sister a few times to apologize but she wouldn’t answer her cell phone and when I called the landline, her boyfriend always said that she wasn’t there. I prayed for an opportunity to make it right. That same afternoon…
“I have heard your prayer and have chosen this place for Myself as a temple for sacrifices. When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among My people, if my people who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. Now my will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place. Have chosen and consecrated this temple so that my Name may be there forever. My eyes and my heart will always be there.” 2 Chronicles 7:12-16 NIV
“Today I’ve decided that I will not be a slave of satan. He will no longer control my attitude, actions, thoughts, or words. God is in control. I have surrendered, I can not do this w/o God. I have decided to make being positive, thankful, joyful, content, & to smile a habit in my life. I’ve heard that it takes 21 days to establish a habit. So for the next 21 days I have a piece of paper to carry w/m at all times to remind me of these things. Written on the paper is Day 1, (changes w/each new day), My first calling; God, Anton, Eyanna, & Cailem. Smile! Thank God for EVERYTHING! Find the good & praise it! Practice having a merry & thankful heart! Learn to enjoy life! When I catch myself becoming irritated or distracted at circumstances, stop & laugh at the little things I ALLOW to steal my peace. I have come to realize that my peace & joy can not be stolen unless I allow it to be. Satan can not control me unless I allow him to. So no more! I will make it w/God!”
11August 2006
“We are in VA. God allowed us to come. We’ve been here a week already. Satan has messed w/us already. And of course I succumbed to him. He attacked our marriage & had Anton & I all over each other & I don’t mean sexually. I’ve had an attitude off & on, not towards Anton, but he got the attitude from me. I don’t like “Lavern’s,” (my sister), boyfriend “Daniel.” I’ve prayed for God to remove him from her life & now I am just waiting to see His work!”
29 August 2006 (still in VA)
“Why is satan messing w/me so much here? Why am I so weak & allowing him to have his way w/me? God is more powerful & I know this, so what’s the problem? What is wrong w/me?”
Our visit in Virginia ended about four days after the journal entry on the 29th of August. By that time, I felt as if I’d really “lost it.” My sister and I had an argument about her boyfriend, (I straight up told her & him that I didn’t like him and why. Neither of them liked my opinion of course), that caused us to not speak to one another for a week and a half! She didn’t come to my parent’s house where our family was staying during that time either. We hadn’t seen each other since September of 2002 and we acted like kids. Though my mother never said anything verbally, she blatantly expressed to “Lavern” and I how disappointed & hurt she had felt about our behavior. I called my sister a few times to apologize but she wouldn’t answer her cell phone and when I called the landline, her boyfriend always said that she wasn’t there. I prayed for an opportunity to make it right. That same afternoon…
“I have heard your prayer and have chosen this place for Myself as a temple for sacrifices. When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among My people, if my people who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land. Now my will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place. Have chosen and consecrated this temple so that my Name may be there forever. My eyes and my heart will always be there.” 2 Chronicles 7:12-16 NIV
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